In this episode we discuss happiness. Can the pursuit of happiness backfire? Why are people more depressed an anxious than ever in a time when the world is physically safer and healthier than ever before in history? We look at the crisis of meaning in our society and examine how we can cultivate real meaning in our lives, beyond ourselves, and move towards an existence of purpose with our guest Emily Esfahani Smith. 

Emily Esfahani Smith is a journalist, positive psychology instructor, and author. She is a graduate of Dartmouth College and earned a master of applied positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania. Her articles have been read over 30 million times, her TED talk has over 1.3 million views and her work has appeared in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, TIME, the TED stage, and more.

• Should we be pursuing happiness?

• There’s more to life than being happy

• When we pursue happiness - it’s very self-oriented

• 2 reasons why the “pursuit of happiness can backfire"

• It’s not possible to be happy all the time - and it’s a fool's errand to try and pursue happiness all the time - it’s not a realistic expectation for your life

  1. Happiness is very “self-focused” - how is this affecting ME - its a very selfish perception 

• People are healthier, safer, more comfortable than any time in history - and yet anxiety and depression are increasing, suicide rates are increasing - why is this happening?

• Our society is in a crisis of meaning. 

• What’s the difference between meaning and happiness?

• What will get you out of a rut is not by focusing on trying to be happy - but by trying to engage in something meaningful 

• One of the best cures for depression is volunteering in your community - getting outside of your self

• We often use the terms "meaning and happiness" interchangeably and yet they are very different 

• Happiness is a transient and fleeting emotional state

• Meaning is about connecting and contributing to something beyond yourself - being connecting to your family, to god, to nature, to the universe, etc 

• Some of the essential characteristics of people with meaning in their lives

• Your life has worth and significance

  1. Your life has a sense of purpose

  2. Your life is coherent

• The self is a very poor site for meaning

• You have to connect to something beyond yourself

• When you tune in to someone else - there is such a powerful and meaningful bond that is formed - when you’re actually present, listening, and there for them. 

• You don’t have to wait until you find your “Capital M” “Meaning” - meaning can happen and be a part of every day small instances in your life and be present

• How can we find meaning beyond ourselves in a world where most of our major social institutions have eroded away to a large degree (patriotism, religion, family, etc)?

• In the modern era - the challenge of being alive is the challenge of trying to find meaning on your own

• The Four Pillars of Meaning

• Belonging - being in communities and relationships where you feel valued for who you are intrinsically

  1. Purpose - using your strengths to serve other people. Having something worthwhile to do with your time. Making a contribution to the world. 

  2. Children who do chores around the house have a higher sense of meaning

  3. Transcendence - when your sense of self-starts to turn down or turn off completely. Stepping beyond yourself.

  4. Storytelling - the story that you tell yourself about yourself

• How do we create belonging in your life?

• Forming intimate relationships with others

  1. Belonging is a choice that we make - and we can choose to cultivate in any given moment

  2. You can also take the initiative to create these new types of communities within your own life and community

• How do we change the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves?

• The first thing is to recognize that we are constantly telling ourselves stories about ourselves

• A “contamination” story and how that can change your self-perception and create negative results in your life?

• Something happened in my life, then there was a negative result, not I’m “contaminated"

• A “redemptive” story - a story that moves from bad things happening to good things happening

• Something bad happened in my life, and that has made me grow, made me stronger 

• If you’re telling a negative story, how do you start telling a better story?

• Narrative writing, journaling 

• Is leading a meaningful life just about accomplishment and achieving results?

Thank you so much for listening!

Please SUBSCRIBE and LEAVE US A REVIEW on iTunes! (Click here for instructions on how to do that).

This weeks episode is brought to you by our partners at Brilliant! Brilliant is math and science enrichment learning. Learn concepts by solving fascinating, challenging problems. Brilliant explores probability, computer science, machine learning, physics of the everyday, complex algebra, and much more. Dive into an addictive interactive experience enjoyed by over 5 million students, professionals, and enthusiasts around the world.

You can get started for free right now!

If you enjoy learning these incredibly important skills, Brilliant is offering THE FIRST 200 Science of Success listeners 20% off their Annual Premium Subscription. Simply go tobrilliant.org/scienceofsuccess to claim your discount!

Show Notes, Links, & Research

• [Book] The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness by Emily Esfahani Smith

• [Article] There's More to Life Than Being Happy by Emily Esfahani Smith

• [Book] Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life by Martin E. P. Seligman

• [Twitter] Emily Esfahani Smith

• [Personal Site] Emily Esfahani Smith

Episode Transcript