The Paradox of Happiness - Why Pursuing It Makes You Less Happy & What You Can Do About It with Dr. Tal Ben Shahar
In this episode we discuss the paradox of happiness - why pursuing it makes you less happy, and what you can do about it, we dig into the research about what really makes people happy, we break down happiness into its essential components and discuss how to cultivate it, we look at the interaction between stress and recovery and why most people look at it the wrong way, why active acceptance and surrender is critical to processing and dealing with negative emotions and much more with Dr. Tal Ben Shahar.
Dr. Tal Ben Shahar created the most popular course in Harvard University’s history, he is the best-selling author of several books including The Pursuit of Perfect, Happier, Choose The Life You Want, Even Happier. He’s also the co-founder and chief learning officer of The Wholebeing Institute, Potentialife, Maytiv, and Happier.TV.
We discuss:
What science shows is the The #1 Predictor of Happiness
How the direct pursuit of happiness can actually prevent you from being happy and makes you less happy
One of the most robust findings in the field of psychology research is about what creates happiness
The paradox of happiness - why pursuing it makes you less happy, and what you can do about it
Why the expectation that you should be happy all the time is a barrier to your own happiness
The “hamburger model” and how it can transform the way that you live your life
The lens that we can use to understand all of our “happy” experiences
How Tal defines “happiness” as the intersection of meaning and pleasure
We discuss what The BEST predictor of your future behavior is
Why awareness is a critical first step to cultivating happiness
We dig into the research about what really makes people happy
Why money has very little to do with happiness (according to the research)
The vital importance of cultivating healthy relationships
We discuss the blue zones where people live the longest in the world and why these people live longer than anyone else
The critical importance of physical exercise on your psychological wellbeing
How to trigger a release of the “feel good” chemicals in your brain (norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin)
How happiness helps you be healthier, more creative, gives you more energy, and makes you more productive
Strategies for indirectly pursuing happiness
We break down happiness into its essential components and discuss how to cultivate it
The only 2 types of people who do not experience painful emotions (are you one of them?)
What happens when we try to suppress negative emotions
How experiencing and accepting negative emotions can paradoxically improve your happiness
Why active acceptance and surrender is critical to processing and dealing with negative emotions
How perfectionism can create self sabotage and unhappiness
The critical distinction between healthy perfectionism and unhealthy perfectionism
The vital importance of accepting criticism and how refusing to accept criticism hamstrings you
Adaptive vs maladaptive perfectionism and why its important to know the difference
(Once again) Meditation and how important it is
The interaction between stress and recovery and why most people look at it the wrong way
Why stress isn’t bad and in fact can be very good for - but with a very important caveat
How the concept of weight lifting can help us better understand and manage stress in our lives
How recovery is vital to your productivity, health, and happiness
How long periods of recovery are an investment in your future growth
The power of breath and how it is an incredibly impactful mind/body intervention to reduce stress and anxiety
The vital importance of rituals and how you should build them into your day
“We first make our habits, then our habits make us.”
We walk through Tal’s powerful daily ritual and how you can harness it to change your day
How self forgiveness and self compassion can transform your life and emotional experience
And much more!!
If you want to live a happier life - listen to this episode!
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SHOW NOTES, LINKS, & RESEARCH
[Wikipedia Article] The Grant Study
[Book] Sleeping with Your Smartphone by Leslie A. Perlow
[Book] Choose the Life You Want by Tal Ben-Shahar PhD
[Book] Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben-Shahar PhD
[Book] The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar PhD
[Book] The Blue Zones, Second Edition by Dan Buettner
[Book] The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson
[Website] talbenshahar.com